Why is it so important for many people to have a best friend?
I recently conducted a survey asking people if they truly had a "best friend". Of all the respondents, over 80% said yes. I was quite surprised. In my everyday life, I know some people who do have best friends, but I also know even more people who are content with having friends period. No need to classify anyone as a better friend than others. Yet, in my survey, 80% of people proudly announced that they did have a best friend who they treasured on a different level than other friends in their lives. Friendships in general have always been important to me even as important as family. I suppose that I fall into the category of people who have always had that powerful desire to have a best friend. Why is it important to many of us to have a best friend rather than simply having a lot of good friends?
In childhood, many of us may remember hearing those seductive words, "if you give me your last candy, I'll be your best friend". Ah the sheer power of those words back then! I remember falling for this bribe and actually giving that last candy to some classmate whom I never talked to again. I surrendered that candy in order to gain that acceptance I was craving. That's of major significance for a self-proclaimed chocoholic! Some people may start smoking, drinking, or experimenting with drugs to gain acceptance from that best friend or any friend for that matter. Let's not even worry about which of these activities I participated in to get approval from my peers! Suffice it to say that as an adult, I realize now that bribes simply don't work. No amount of gift giving will "earn me" that best friend position. So what did it really take to have a best friend?
I remember at the age of 10 I had a friend who actually felt insecure about his "best friend status". One day, a new guy arrived in our classroom and my friend was scared of he being robbed of the post of "THE BEST FRIEND". Who was this guy ? Rather than embracing this new guy who was likely very frightened entering a new school, he considered him his adversary. Where was his confidence when he needed it!? As days progressed, he noticed that he was seeing more and more of the back of his best pal's head, rather than his face. I had to put a stop to it and wasn't prepared to lose his best friend.
While cycling home from school together, he had the audacity to inform his best friend that anytime he felt he was talking to his rival too much, he would kick him underneath the desk. Admittedly this wasn't one of his n mine(as i was hearing) finest moments! Even more surprisingly they agreed to the plan. I remember seeing him kick a few times, but I don't really remember the end result. I guess the end result isn't really the point. Today, 20yrs later, they are no longer friends(n even me too ;) ) let alone best friends. Coincidence? ;)
Now that I'm hopefully wiser, I've learned that bribing and threatening people (as we used to do in our school life) simply don't work for getting a best friend! I finally realized that true friendship develops over time and mutual effort and isn't something that you can "win". It was time to try something new. Here's a novel concept try being yourself!
And be myself I did. Throughout the years, I've been very fortunate with my friendships. I've maintained some wonderful, fulfilling friendships from school , college and university (engineering) and have developed new friends in my life. Jobs and other life events have yet to come but my true friends are still there. Even despite my Drama ( so called NAUTANKI) tendencies, these friends have never wavered. They deserve an award now that I think about it. ;) . We have fun getting together even if we can't do it very often due to geography. With these special friendships in mind, what am I (or others)complaining about then? Why does it matter whether or not I (includes d readers) have a "best friend" so long as I have good friends? Why wasn't I satisfied with having a lot of good friends? I envy all of you who don't give this issue a second thought. You probably sleep better than I do. :D :P
Maybe it has to do with attaining a sense of status and hiding low self-esteem. Similarly to owning an expensive car, perhaps being able to say that you have a best friend brings you a sense of security. After all, isn't it human nature to want to be accepted and feel like you belong?
